


My Center Shelf

by AlexTheShipper



Series: Not Dead you fucking Liar [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fury is an ass, M/M, Not Dead Clint, Phil Needs a Hug, not dead phil, past depressed Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:48:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3617091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexTheShipper/pseuds/AlexTheShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events of story one from Phil's POV. Phil remembers waking up without Clint by his side and being told his asset died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Center Shelf

Phil Coulson's first permanent team consisted of two agents, Clinton Barton, and Natasha Romanoff.

They were his to protect, and take care of in the field, and outside of SHIELD they were his friends. Until Clint switched teams against his will, and Phil nearly killed himself doing the one thing he thought would bring back his asset.

Killing the man who took him. Now, Agent Coulson was standing in front of a room, giving a debrief, like nothing fucking happened. Because the director was in the back, and letting on that you're hallucinating your kidnapped asset never ends well.

"How long?" Clint asks, interrupting Phil mid sentence. "How long have you been..." Phil freezes up, shocked that the hallucination is talking to him, and more interestingly, everyone else seems to have heard it. He answers the unfinished question hesitantly.

"I've been awake for three months." Coulson says, hesitant. Nobody balks at him talking to no one, which can only mean, Clint is here, not dead, or trapped with Loki. Here, alive, safe.

"I'm glad you're alive sir." Clint says as he stands up. He wants to scream, and cheer, Clint is safe. "Goodbye Agent Coulson." Clint is... leaving?

"Specialist Barton, you can't leave until the debrief is over." Fury says from the back of the room.

"Congrats, I don't give a fuck. P.S. I quit, so don't wait up." Clint spits out, suddenly hostile. Coulson moves to stop him, arm extended a hopeful smile on his face. An arrow pins his arm to the wall, not harming him.

"Agent Barton, if you leave-" Fury starts, and Clint levels the arrow with his head. Coulson feels a swell of pride. Everyone else in the room is stock still.

"Tell me if Natasha knew." He demands. Fury just stares at him. "Coulson tell me." Blue eyes meet his, desperate.

"No, she didn't know." Phil assures.

"Well, hope you stay alive when I tell her." With that Clint slips out of the room. "Good luck." Phil knows he'll need it.

"Cheese, you okay?" Fury asks, as the door slams.

"Director, I'm curious as to how exactly Clint Barton managed to quit SHIELD just now." Phil says, deceptively calm. This isn't happy calm, this is ' _I'll kill you with a paper clip and you'll never see it coming_ ' calm.

"By almost shooting you, and walking out." Fury snarks. Phil fights the urge to throttle him.

"That's funny, I thought Loki killed him." Coulson says. Fury gives him the same blank look he just gave Clint. "I'll go get him Nick."

"See that he returns." Fury says. Coulson barely refrains from telling Nick to kiss his ass.

...

_Phil woke up after being stabbed in the chest shocked. Clint was missing. Perhaps he should have been surprised he survived, instead he woke up scared and confused, and he couldn't find Clint, seconds later he was asleep again._

_..._

He heads for his apartment, hoping Clint will go there.

...

" _Where are they?" Phil asks the next time he wakes up._

_"Clint died under Loki's control Phil, he's gone." Nick says. "I'm sorry Chese." Everything goes grey, suddenly it doesn't matter if Natasha isn't there, or if he can't remember certain things. Clint is dead. He falls back asleep. None of it matters anyways._

_..._

_Waking up is hard every time, every time Clint isn't there. He does what the doctors say, and slowly he regains his strength, still he can barely walk by the end of the first month. Physical therapy would be hell, except he's barely aware of his body. Clint is gone. He failed._  

...

Coulson steps into his apartment to find Clint staring at the small Hawkeye figurine in the middle of his shelf. There right in the middle of all the Cap merch is a small Hawkeye figurine and a picture of the three of them smiling, Clint, Natasha, and Him.

"Sir?" Clint asked voice catching in his throat. Phil freezes behind him, eyes wide.

"Clint, I'm so-" Phil starts. He needs to apologize, the tear tracks on his archers face make that clear enough.

"Shut up. I can't forgive you." Clint snaps. Phil flinches slightly.

"If you can't forgive me, why come here?" Phil asks. It's a challenge.

"Because it's supposes to feel safe." Clint growls, Phil's heart breaks a little. "You're supposed to be safe, but you lie, and he lies and I'm so fucking done."

"I didn-" Phil tries to explain. He needs Clint to understand, he didn't mean to hurt him. He didn't know.

"NO! I nearly killed myself, I felt so damn guilty Phil. I jumped off buildings and hoped nobody would catch me." Clint's nearly crying now. "I blamed myself and you weren't there."

"I didn't know!" Phil yells suddenly defensive, the idea of Clint dead, Now that he has him back kills Phil. "Fury. Fury told me they couldn't get you back from Loki." / _that you died_./

"Fuck." Clint mumbles, Phil stares at his feet, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I could barely stand, and you were gone. Fury thinks I'm convincing you to come back." Phil says. "I think we should both quit."

"You'd do that? Over me?" Clint asks shakily.

"Myself too, I don't like being manipulated. I also love you Clint." Phil says softly. He looks up, finally meeting Clint's eyes, cautiously hopeful.

"I can't- I love you too Phil." Clint manages after a minute. He feels his heart soar in his chest.

"So, am I forgiven?" Phil asks, stepping into Clint's personal space. He wants to touch Clint, assure himself this is real.

"Nope." Clint smirks at him. "You'll have to stick around and work on it." Phil doesn't think that'll be too bad.

...

Later they meet up with Natasha (after she punches him for being an ass), and begin to work privately for Stark Industries.


End file.
